Sometimes

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Sometimes,
I want to scream in his face.
I want to look him in the eye and scream.
Sometimes
I want to stand up and tell them all to go to hell.
I hate them all.
Their petty politics and their old worn out methods.
I hate them for hurting people I love.
Selfishly, I hate them more for hurting me.
Sometimes, I want to hurt myself.
Sometimes, I want to get run over by something large and painful.
Sometimes, I just want to die with dignity.
But,
I can't.
I can't die.
Not yet.
But only because I'm not brave enough to do it.
And sometimes that scares me.
I don't know how to look the future in the face and not cower in front of it.
Sometimes I hate the future.
Sometimes I want to turn and run back to him,
Give up
Entirely
Sometimes.