Drowning

Like a crazy woman drowning
I am clawing for air
Coming back from knowing
That you're no longer there
You can't pull me up
You can only let me go
Save yourself, and love again
Pretend I was never so

My Birthday 24

Tonight
I could die
Because I can't wake up
Tomorrow
And face the light
The truth that you're gone
We're through
And there's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do
I can't sink into your arms
and plead my case
Take turns retaliating
or return to my place
But sometimes when you let go
Its actually for real
And sometimes when I want to ignore my heart
It chooses over me to feel
But I want to feel the break
The only muscle cleaved in two
Half of it still beating fruitlessly in my chest
Half of it with you

I was.

I was
wasn't I?
I was but
I was
therefore
I was

Devotion

If your devotion
was blind
how do you see her
so clearly?

shadows

Shadows I had
Chased away
Came back
Unnoticed
By either of us

like you

I came upon this mess
thinking I could handle it
thinking I couldn't make a mistake
not this time
but now I can think only
of someone like you
holding onto me like you
kissing me
like you
And the thoughts
drive me to that place
to the trees
to the open sky
where I could look up into the stars
and know who I was
completely

Talk

I swear
one day
you will talk
and if I'm lucky
I won 't
let you down

Gift

I started by crying
and laughing
and you
made me choose
between the two
the answer
was obvious
you explained in great detail
the gift
you were given
but I
was already laughing

Un-know

I want to
Say the words
But once
You know
You will know
and there is
No going back
I cannot un-say,
Any more
Than you
Can un-know

Smiles

I hate her when she smiles

and holds out

her heart for you

I hate her when she laughs

and tries to give

there's nothing I can do

but let it happen

watch this go by

silent world waiting

and never asking why

only trading blows

with her better judgement and I

knowing nothing is coming back

nothing is returned tonight

only taken

and carried off

to be used again

Write You Down

I wanted to write you down
I couldn’t find the words
To describe the way you are
All I had was
A faceless body
Something untouchable
Intangible
Something of it’s own nature
A small fixed idea
So strong
I felt it coming
Before the wind
blew open the door

Before I let myself in
To ask you for more

I wanted to write you down
I wanted to keep you
To trace the lines
To fill out the shadows
I had only a memory
And a blue Bic
It could’ve gone wrong
But I wanted it to
Have a valid chance
Slip through the cracks
And watch the simple strokes
The pen knows how to dance
And I know
I felt it coming
Before the wind
Blew open the door

Before I let myself in
To ask you for more

I wanted to write you down
But then I wanted more

Locked Out

I came home to find peace
I came back home to rest awhile
I returned home for familiarity
I came here for strength
I needed this to keep going
I needed to be here
I wanted it to be exactly as I left it
And then change…
I came home to set myself straight
I came home to find something newly old
I came to you to find home
I was locked out

Guilty 3

I didn’t look up
I didn’t dare
look into your eyes
I walked out
A convicted criminal

You tell me
what to say
You tell me
what to do
Hold my head down
Wear my shame
The latest fashion
The new spring line
The firing squad
Waiting for their orders
To mercy killing
To execution
Onto execution
About face
About reputation

A single word
can kill thoughts
A single man
can ruin nations
I tell you what I think
And I’m already guilty

Lost 1

I cleared a place for you
Swept aside my
Differences
Made exceptions
Make heartless
Assumptions
And I lost
Again

pain 2

i know

if you do it quickly

it won't hurt as much

but i

like it

slow...

Inconvenience

I dreamed of being
here
with you;
and tears, wiped away
with joy
instead of inconvenience.

Obsession

i wrap myself in
pieces of you
only memories
i need to push
these feelings
into reality
i need this for me
why consider
what love can do
when I can make it
lying here