better

I want to believe
that time will heal this
I want to believe
that recovery
is imminent
and that
comfort will
surround us
a blanket of
ease
but I know better
I know better
and I know
I know better
the worse.

We are all
accountable
all account
for our own
mistakes...
we need access
to the
accountablility.

whisper.

The breath
that rises
and falls
in my hollow chest
each labored
intake
a necessary pain
a passing wave
a hard fought
battle
lost
with a whisper.

I ache at night
when sleep
consumed with dreams
will not let me go
My mind pulls to
stay within the fantasy
nothing can hold me
here
nothing can hold
the apparitions that plague
the ghosts that fill my head
singing choir in their white
hollow voices
wind just outside my window
greets the morning
and the visions fade
into the grey sky
birds flapping to rise higher
and me
solidly planted
a heartless reality
nothing more.

Twin Bed.

Our love
was two people
sharing
a twin sized bed
one of us
was always
falling
out.

secrets

the snow
white is falling
such a lvely
fascinating show
every inch
accumulating
secrets
buried under
powdered landscape
even my heart
cannot hope
for escape
when the lights
magnified reflected
by the glittered
air
carrying
secrets
buried under
the piles past
away
from my mind
all too often
lagging
lagging behind
puffs of clouds
as she runs by
the messages
in secret
codes of broken
time
buried under
the snow

Hollow

I am too ashamed
to show you
my lack of progress
slow demise
into
selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish lies
I am nowhere now
under your shoes
under the white
blanket
sheet
nothing lacking so
indiscreet
changing hands
like the cheap used
whore I am
passed around for
a hollow angry girl
and nothing
more
and nothing more
and nothing
more

Pincushion (or JuliaF)

I use the gift
the thoughtless trinket
that won my
respect
I look, everytime
its sitting on
my new desk
at my new thankless
job
to remember
you
and the
helpful recommendation
that put me
here
How ironic
it was a pincushion.

Blank.

Lost and insane
those thoughts
shredding
like fine cream
paper
not cream
but eggshell
not eggshell
but ivory
never anything so
fine no
comparison
no contest
but anything
constitutes
simple insanity

Doll.

Porcelean cracked
the finest
line down the
white surface
interrupting design
imperfect nature flawed
from the start
fix the fracture
risk the whole break
never
the heart

Moon

the Moon
found me laying
naked in her light
pitiful
my soul bleeding so loud
it was screaming
surrounded by many
still alone

Heart Go.

I have suffered this
long enough
seen your every wish
come true
and as I look
into the blue
I know where I've gone wrong
I'm tired of
Playing games
Holding on, holding out
Still fanning the flames
So its over now
I can let the smoke rise
let it carry my soul
into the sky
From my letters
to your eyes
Let my heart go.

Woman Self Proclaimed

My name is Woman
What I want
Everyday waking next to the man
so important
to be his queen
I want to accomplish
that which will magnify my rule
benefit my people
with my love
I want beauty to radiate
I want to
Wear Chanel no. 5
Open my body
Fill a room with noise
Like no other
Give this gift with interest
Watch my joy return to me
Riding in on silver wings
And golden dreams
Never relying on then
I will be now
I am a Woman self proclaimed.

Pride 3

I thought I was
A swimmer
but no one has
the true measure
of their own
abilities
until they are
immersed
submerged
I dove in
kicked off
the deep breath still
in my chest
I felt the wall of water so
comforting
my heart pounding
changing me
filling me
my screams deadened
by the silent vast space
but once the sound escaped, it was already
much, much too late
I had to take it in again
take it back
cover the sound
open my lungs
and drown.