questions.

shaking with
effort
not to cry
using my hands
as instruments
of pain
i look at you
questioning my actions
and just
can't
explain

summer

i remain
in the summer
of my life
wondering why
i feel
so cold inside.

Conclusions

I've come to
so many
conclusions
rooms I sit in
and ponder
ideas I adopted
while being hurt
while being chastized
while being belittled
I hold onto without
thinking
I can't come to
I can't break through
I can't hold on any longer
without drawing different
conclusions

People

they will tell you
what to do
they will give
advice, counsel, a hand
they will speak volumes
about trust
about friendship
about love
... love...
they will...
but in the end
in your horror
they discuss nothing
as they look away

Masterpiece.

I am your masterpiece
you drew me
into your world
you painted me
pictures of perfection
outlined the
rules
danced around
the truth
details
lines
angles
my pain became
your canvas
your muse
using my
skin stretched
out the oils
inks
all swirling
in the composition
of my screaming
futile mind
you showed me color
but gave
only gray
everyday now
gray
left in solitude
pondering your creation
over and over
maddened by its intricacies
I puzzle
to unravel what you
so carefully
and lovingly
put together in me
I fail
I am your
masterpiece

money.

shaking from recent
mistakes
crimes commited in the heat
of lies
back to haunt me
ghosts, faces
my mind goes
like a finger to a wound
pressing in
on convenient pain
paying in blood what
only the tender can sustain
what is this life worth
not flesh
but paper and cloth woven
into intricate designs
surrounded by the answer
I touch it everyday
mocking my circumstance
self loathing
while I watch my wasted life
go by

wreck.

brought to this grief
as a bride to misery
joined indefinately
so much believing
is confidence
but when hope
merely creates sorrow
it never occurs
to feel again
instead letting the cuts
made so deeply
and the bones
broken and unset
heal into their deformity
carrying the burden
the horror
no one looks anymore
and no one can seem
to look away.

landscape

coming into a place
where I still care so deeply
not thinking clearly
anymore
and aging years
in days
my eyes are open
searching for
more
what I'm given
more than what I
so deserve
and treading water
to save myself
pulling them along
in dreams of night
and the sea
and grief
painted on the landscape
a masterpiece of sorrow
longing for circumstances
jealous of others
locked into my own
beautiful white cage
singing to deaf ears

For the rose of my heart

Pour le rose de mon coeur
un bouquet
une promesse
ma vie se levant jusqu'aux de ciel
images
moments
pour toujours une vie
et amour
Pour le rose de mon coeur