mistake

faster and faster
my clock ticks
time like an
avalanche
i watch the world
passing
like cars on the road
the road
i can no longer
pay the toll
my eyes remain open
i turn so bitter
bitter
bitter
words i want to say
words i wish
would go away
wanting more than i can
ever take
reaching out to futility
and recoiling in mistake

friend

my hands
working
tying and tying
the knots
that I
only hope
will keep us
together
bound

everyday

trying to embrace reality
no matter how ugly
no matter how cruel
once accepted
the pain just feels
like the everyday
the inside out of existing
looking away
instead

steps

you asked for me
after twenty six years
you asked for me
and the air left my lungs
as though
there were no words
there are no words
my words don't suit
a dying man
and I won't play
your twelve step plan
towards redemption
nothing I say
can possibly change lives
nothing I do
will enlighten you
I choose not to linger in the why
but to bury questions
I know have no answer
you made sure of that
the day you walked out
my horrible
beautiful life of lies
and you were just the seed