screwed

I thought
life had beauty
things to hand you
so much
to give
everyone pleased
happy to live
with faces of
those who
say they cared
pop up from time
to time
I want them gone
dead
hurt before
I want to forget
I want to remember
more
I've been under
each and every
single one
I looked them
in the eye
and now I pray until
its done
pretty excuses
avoidance and lies
beautiful secrets
torn up in my
thighs
they entice you to try
work hard
and when you do
they wait for the moment
the pleasure
the screw

first

you drove in
to the hilt
unexpectedly
in a game
I wanted to play
for acceptance
little did I know
you were the first
of many to
come

feeling

I miss those feelings
feelings I don't get
to have anymore
making me wonder
wonder
what is worth
living for?

my skin is raw
but inside my heart
is bruised
calloused
drinking away
at my sorry excuses
for what I never did
wanting is futile
unless choices become
action
and I have waned
left it all
cold
but no lack of
self abuse
can replace a confident
smile
the one thing they took
without much
hesitation

I miss those feelings
feelings I don't get
to have anymore
making me wonder
wonder
what is worth
living for?