pain

this blanket
made of thorns
has become so
comfortable
the pain so recognized
enduring
that pleasure registers
instead
every pierce
shudders
every scratch
shivers
and what has been done
is never undone
the hands
will never unclench
and the blood will run
run forever
the rivulets
red and thick
and she smiles

deserved

i wanted to swim with the sharks
i wanted to be a star
i had it all going so well
i was going to go so far

but they had other plans
and they held my fate
they fostered my self doubt
turned my love into hate

and now i am bitter
cold, empty and yet
i know with utter certanty
i deserve everything i get

waiting.

i do not lessen
over time
i expand
with every last
shred of
decent dreams
flying like a wind beaten
flag of self denial
caged inside
an animal staring out
between the bars
calmly waiting
for the hand

i will wait

Bitter... a new song

My pain sits in a cheaply made box
Like a tarnished piece of jewelry
My hard work forgotten for “I’ve got a job”
Shouldn’t that mean something to me?
Close my eyes and hear music
Open them and see mundane
Left me in the bottom purposely
Out in the rain

But I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter am I?

Told me I was a shoo in said
I could go anywhere from here
Made me believe in dreams I held onto so long
Everything was so clean so clear
I didn’t fit the mold they made
Dress, shoes, carriages and all
Unceremoniously and swiftly
They kicked me out of ball

But I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter am I?

They tell you it’s all soon to come
Not to waste it all just yet
So you give all you can for one more second
And get caught in the net
Lies lies beautiful lies
Carrying me through to regret
But I haven’t given up
I still have to pay my debt … to you

But I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter
I’m not bitter am I?

fifteen

I only have
a few words
a few
memories
to share of you
but I know you dreamed
you sang
felt things
for all girls to feel
in their young
naivety
we can all hear
now that its over
look for someone
something to blame
fourteen years too late
forever
fifteen
never came

men with their hoses

the word
rape
seems so appropriate
as I watch
thick liquid spew
the length
out of pipe
and into
surrounding water
killing, invading
the southeastern seaboard
of the United States
like so many men
with their hoses
they have no idea
how irresponsible...

how dare you
make this mess
and not clean
up after
like so many men
with their hoses
just another game